EXCLUSIVE: TAMSYN Lewis has beaten personal demons sparked by her Beijing blow-up and declared she wants to run in the 2012 London Games.

Breaking a four-month silence, the controversial Melbourne athlete - whose career appeared to be over when she broke down in tears after finishing last in an 800m semi-final at Beijing - says she's aiming for her fourth Olympics.

A fit and happy Lewis, who will resume racing on Thursday, this week admitted she had been "in a mess" after things went wrong in Beijing.

"I just moped," she told the Sunday Herald Sun.

"It was as close as you get to being depressed, but I'm not a depressive personality."

After returning from Beijing, Lewis said she spent two weeks curled up on her boyfriend's couch dealing with the let-down.

But Lewis has found a new training routine and a new inner peace as she continues to aim high and prove her many critics wrong.

"I'm happy with everything that's going on right now," she said.

Lewis also said she was so disappointed triple Olympian Raelene Boyle questioned her Olympic chances that she would "probably ignore her" if she walked into the same room.

In a wide-ranging interview, Lewis, 30, also:

RATED the days after Beijing among the darkest in her life - alongside the controversy over her cat fight with Jana Rawlinson during the 2006 Melbourne Commonwealth Games.

SAID she couldn't understand why her comments about drug cheats at Beijing proved so controversial.

REVEALED she hoped to team with her former nemesis, Rawlinson, at the next Games.

"I definitely want to try to be at the Olympics," she said. "I've heard a lot of people think I'm retiring, but I'm keeping on going."

But she revealed longer-term plans - to retire from elite sport after 2012 and start a family with her boyfriend, South Australian cricketer Graham Manou.

"If I didn't have athletics I'd have kids right now," she said. "If I wasn't a sportsperson, I would have loved heaps of kids, but when you're a female athlete, it's a bit more difficult.

"You've really got to plan things."

Lewis has made her peace with Rawlinson, formerly Pittman, and said that while the pair weren't close friends, they always said hello if they met at events.

She said she would love to run another 4 x 400m relay with Rawlinson - training and raising a son - at the London Olympics.

"I'm hoping, fingers crossed, to get to run in a relay with her again, if we can get two other girls."

Lewis is in hard training, under the guidance of her coach and manager Justin, and says she will contest the world championships in Berlin in August.

She then aims to compete in the 2010 Commonwealth Games in India, before again trying for the only athletics prize out of her reach, an Olympic medal.

Meanwhile, she's working on keeping out of controversy, improving her times, cherishing her relationship with Manou - and finding a part-time job.

Lewis revealed she would make a return to racing on Thursday, when she takes part in the Zatopek Classic at Melbourne's Olympic Park.